Edmonton Journal
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Page: D4
Section: Ed
Byline: Olivia Cheng
Source: Freelance

Diamonds Gentlemen's Club, 4635 Gateway Blvd.

Saturday, 12:15 a.m.

Enter the lion's den with three girlfriends in tow after vowing to use whatever force necessary to neutralize dirty ol' men and their bad pickup lines.

12:20 a.m.

Realize dirty ol' men are far out-numbered by dozens of young stripper-seekers in their twenties who encircle the stage in the centre of the room. We wrangle a table near the bar and check out the boob job of a girl who teeters past on glass platform stilettos and a baby-blue bra and panty set. To our left sit a father and son engaging in quality family time as two peelers compete to land a lap dance with dad. To our right is a large group of cheering, drunken revelers. One of them yells, "I WON'T TELL MOM!" as his brother is led away for a private show by a lady in an orange lace teddy.

12:30 a.m.

A booty-licious brunette struts down the runway in a naughty blue police uniform. Her ass is hanging out and she shakes it to get a rise out of the salivating sausage factory. I admire her bikini wax as she performs Cirque du Soleil-like acrobatics on the pole. Eventually she rips off her top to bare her silicone glory: two dodgeballs adorned with nipples so long that she actually hangs her bikini off one of them like it's a coat peg.

12:42 a.m.

Guy in red sweater auditions stripper in green negligee for a lap dance. As he furrows his brow and strokes his beard in consideration, she rolls her eyes and gives him a preview by shaking her money makers in his face. He nods, and they leave.

12:45 a.m.

My friends and I watch a guy watching the action on stage. We're fascinated by his ability to not blink for painfully long periods of time. We also wonder when he'll notice the drool stain growing on the collar of his grey sweatshirt.

12:50 a.m.

Mandy Powers, a petite beautiful blond, sashays on stage in a purple and gold sequinned harem girl outfit. She's hypnotizing to watch. Especially when she demonstrates her insane flexibility -- bending every which way and wrapping her legs around her head. Damn!

1:25 a.m.

Two businessmen in their forties dig out dozens of loonies to throw at a buxom dancer with long dark hair. The most perverted game of slots ever.

1:30 a.m.

Overwhelmed by the fact that females are an endangered species in this pack of horn dogs. To escape testosterone overload I duck into the bathroom where I overhear a girl consoling her tearful friend, "Honey, it's one thing for him to come here, it's another for him to hit on strippers right in front of you."

Who the $#%*! brings their date HERE?!!

1:32 a.m.

I pass a table of three balding, bespectacled men. One grabs my hand, leers, and lays down an offer I can't wait to refuse.

"Hey!! FORTY bucks."

Shudder. And a quick conclusion. Time to go.
_